WEEK 4 - THE DRUNK AND DISORDERLY BOWL
Well boys it’s officially Week 4 and last week was a fuckin doozy. The Weast continues to dominate outside of the Shakespearian tragedy that is “Tang Weasel’s” team, meanwhile the south showed that it should be renamed to “Frozone’s taste in women” given that its full of absolutely MID whites. “Big Bod” and “Pred” stay undefeated, and “Tang Weasel” is still rocking the Bengals record so far. Jokes aside let’s get into the scores from last week:
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK - BSFTA 100.96 vs 72.18 Sartorius
Boy oh boy does “PHD” regret the roster decisions this week. Not only a goose egg from both Mark Andrews and his Kicker, but leaving a total of 60 points on the bench if he made the right moves gave “PHD” his first loss. Meanwhile “Big Bod” continues the streak of dominance, riding the ACL’s of Saquon all the way to a 3-0 season thus far.
Hog Squad 106.16 vs 97.34 Winter Soldier Avengers
The Hog Squad secures another notch in the win column, with Rookie Malik Nabers being the only shining light on the Giants’ roster dropping a wild 24 point performance with 8 receptions. Meanwhile Frozone trusted Deshaun Watson as his starter and somehow didn’t get a happy ending. With great performances from his WR and abysmal showings from his RB, Frozone may need to take his RB to The Union before the games this week to get the blood flowing.
Beach Week 107.5 vs 106.04 Whiskey Business
The only thing tighter than “Blues’” margin of victory in week 3 is “Pred’s” shirt in his gym pictures. Blue pulls out a big divisional win in week 3, riding old man Derrick Henry to another great week of production. Meanwhile Double Deuce grabbed Hubbard from FA, only to bench him the one week he drops 25 fantasy points when the Panthers show their first signs of life under the Red Rocket.
Weasel Wizards 120.2 vs 80.38 Motorboat City
Boy oh boy, I mean at this point I think “EOD” felt so bad for “Pred” that he gave him a win so he wouldn’t have to get a second ass tat (if he ever gets the first). Because that is the only excuse I could think of for starting an injured Mixon. Meanwhile Pred rode Chase and Goedert to victory with both of their monsterous performances.
Najee Germany 98.48 vs 76.48 Glass Cannon
This relatively low scoring matchup was a bit of a snoozer, with Slim Reaper’s team being led by a 23 points from the Packers Defense. If Slim’s team somehow figures out how to qualify for the fantasy football paralympics given their injuries they’ll easily bring home the gold. Meanwhile the Najee Germany squad put up average or below performances, led by Mahomes being saved by his best teammates; the referees.
The Cobwebs 126.52 vs 100.84 LANK
It’s real funny at this point watching the LANK squad, at this rate he might as well start saving up for gas for his Rushmore trip. With his squad being piggy backed by Jonathan Taylor, he needs to start exploring trade options (outside of trying to trade injured TE for WR1s) or else he is due for the Mount Rushmore Bowl at the end of the season. Meanwhile The Cobwebs were led by Josh Allen fucking the jaguars so badly that he was added to the Diddy indictment as a potential suspect.
Let’s get into Week 4’s Matchups (Projections are based on time of writing Friday)-
Hog Squad vs LANK - Projection Hog Squad 109.1 vs 99.2 LANK
The Media has to agree with predictions hard here, with LANK’s roster having high projections despite having unfavorable matchups. With his workhorse Taylor facing a tough PIT D and Wilson facing the sharp Denver secondary, he will need insane showings for this to even be a close one. Meanwhile the Hogs have the opposite situation. With his RB’s facing weak defenses and still having J Jettas still left to play; the Hogs may not run the North so far this year, but they will likely run the score up in this one.
BSFTA vs Beach Week - Projection BSFTA 95.7 vs 94.6 Beach Week
This matchup is much closer than it would’ve been had the BSFTA squad’s main performers not gotten so concussed they could enroll in his school. With Big Bod’s RB2 being Justice fucking Hill, it appears he may be on track to losing the undefeated streak. Meanwhile Blue is riding the Matty Staff train to hopeful victory this week, and if Kenneth Walker clears his injury designation and makes it in the starting roster, Blue may be riding a winning streak this week.
Glass Cannon vs Motorboat City - Projection Glass Cannon 97.0 vs 92.9 Motorboat City
EOD may make a record worthy decision of starting a second injured player this week, as he is currently starting McBride despite his concussion. The Glass Cannon boys however may hand EOD his late birthday present, as still being extremely injured with his current starters in unfavorable matchups things aren’t looking too hot. Both coaches may need to just go to church at this point and pray for their team’s health or they might as well start prepping for next year.
Winter Soldier Avengers vs Weasel Wizards - Projection Winter Soldier Avengers 107.4 vs 114.1 Weasel Wizards
If we’re being honest here looking at the matchup, this prediction is wildly ass. With Frozone’s team having extremely favorable matchups and very high ceilings, the media has them winning this matchup. While Pred’s squad facing some good matchups ( SF D against NE and Stroud against Jax), there are also some extremely tough outlooks as well (Etienne @ Houston, Flowers vs Buffalo) he has more working against him than with him this week.
Najee Germany vs Whiskey Business - Projection - Najee Germany 103.1 vs 112.4 Whiskey Business
This matchup is the definition of a coin flip. Both squads are very high ceiling/low floor and facing average matchups overall. This week may come down to WR performances, as the RB rooms look extremely well matched but Najee has the upper hand in the passing game. And we all (the media especially) gave them hell for not taking CMC with the 1.01, but ill be damned the fuckers were right?
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK - THE DRUNK AND DISORDERLY BOWL - SARTORIUS VS THE COBWEBS
The only thing that is higher than each of these team’s projections this week is their BAC on the weekends. With Sartorius projected 107.8, there isn’t much room on his bench for any late substitutions so he has to let Jesus take the wheel (because he sure as fuck shouldn’t be driving) and hope for the best. Meanwhile The Cobwebs have a high ceiling, but also a very low floor given the matchups this week. This Cobweb’s are projected at 114.9 and the favorite going into Sunday, but the media thinks that this matchup will be settled by the RB’s and how well they produce.
This wraps it up for Week 4, any content suggestions for this weeks recap and next week’s projections (Or a matchup of the week idea) would be greatly appreciated so fire away and send in some shit talk if you’re feeling ballsy. Stay safe and intoxicated you bastards.
PEACE.