Week 7 - The Eliminated from Playoffs Bowl
Well gents, week 6 was a doozy. From the Commish scoring under 60 points with a full roster, to Blue knocking off the last undefeated team of the league, it only goes up from here. Well, except for LANK. That squad is beyond salvation. But now that there are no undefeated squads in the league, the playoff situation is becoming a little clearer as the season rolls on, we will follow up in depth as the season progresses with our full playoff projection and breakdown.
Let’s review week 6 :
Beach Week vs Weasel Wizards - Final - Beach Week 120.84 - 94.28 Weasel Wizards
Well you know what. I’ll be damned the fucker actually pulled off the upset. Granted, Pred’s team followed his suit and took a quick vacation and took the week off, because not only was Etienne useless; he actually cost the Weasel Wizards points rather than even putting up 0. Outside of the overall mid performances from the Wizards, Beach week continues to ride Derrick Henry to victory and boy oh boy is he bouncin on that thang.
Motorboat City vs Sartorius - Final - Motorboat City 129.72 - 133.16 Sartorius
Honestly, EOD has had one of the worst weeks of sports fandom this week. From Hutchinson’s leg turning into Taffy, the Tiger’s historic run being ended, and this heartbreaking fantasy loss to polish it off; we’re not even gonna rag on him cause that just fuckin sucks. Meanwhile PHD’s boys finally showed up this week to pull out the close victory in this high scoring matchup led by Bijan with a 24 point performance.
LANK vs Whiskey Business - Final - LANK 103.2 - 119.46 - Whiskey Business
As if he couldn’t get any lower, LANK is potentially losing their WR1 in Garrett Wilson now that Aaron Rodgers has freed Davante Adams from the Las Vegas Raiders. Meanwhile Whiskey Business finally is back in the win column after 2 rough weeks.
BSFTA vs WSA - Final - BSFTA 101.22 - 130.8 WSA
I am fully convinced Big Bod made a sacrifice to the football gods to lose this matchup for Penn State to win the game in OT last weekend. Granted, a 30 point performance out of Chris Godwin was almost enough to singlehandedly beat both teams in the next matchup, giving Frozone another notch in the win column.
Najee Germany vs Hog Squad - Final - Najee Germany 65.6 - 57.02 Hog Squad.
Do we even need to write anything here? Every character written about this matchup feels like it is giving too much credit. To put it into perspective, not only would LANK finally have caught their first win EASILY against either of these squads, The Cobwebs left enough points on their bench alone (61) in their win that their bench points would’ve beaten the Hog squad and barely lost to Najee Germany.
Matchup of the Week - The Cobwebs vs Glass Cannon
Damn. This was frankly just an ass whoopin. Granted, the Glass Cannon squad has been hit harder with injuries than how hard crack hit Harlem in the 80s, but damn. This may be an overall first (at least first that media has seen) where a kicker is a team’s leading fantasy scorer. Meanwhile The Cobwebs are still running hot, but will they fold and catch some losses once they get teams that actually have starters?
Now onto week 7:
Glass Cannon vs Whiskey Business - Projection - Glass Cannon 89.9 - 107.5 Whiskey Business
When looking at the Glass Cannon roster, the question has to be asked : “What has more O’s? The Glass Cannon Roster or LANK’s Record?” because as of time of writing there are 6 players with Out or Questionable injury statuses. When looking at the roster though, if they do ever get healthy that team is going to be lethal. Meanwhile the Whiskey Business squad is just praying for good outcomes in their matchups this week because there is little room for chance in the lineup this week.
Motorboat City vs WSA - Projection - Motorboat City 87.1 vs 117.4 WSA
The Motorboat city squad continues to have players on byes on their starting roster when were writing these, so the projections will go up a slight bit once he ever fixes his lineup. Meanwhile the WSA squad is projected another dominant week, with Kirko Bangz at QB, Frozone is looking to bring the record up from .500 this week.
The Cobwebs vs Beach Week - Projection - The Cobwebs 125.8 vs 102.8 Beach Week
An arguable contender for matchup of the week, but the media thought the “Eliminated from Playoffs Bowl” was much better for the content. Both these teams are first in their respective divisions (granted Beach week is tied for 1st in the North, and there is a 3 way tie for the lead of the South at 3-3 in that sorry ass conference) and looking to hold onto the podium this week. On paper, The Cobwebs should win this based simply on having a much higher floor than the Beach Week squad.
Najee Germany vs BSFTA - Projection - Najee Germany 100.9 vs 102.9 BSFTA
This divisional matchup from the Weast, whichever of these teams pulls out the win will take control of 2nd place in the Weast and boost their playoff chances. The projections on this one may be a little closer than the matchup will turn out, as given the potential injuries for starters on the Najee Germany squad, this could get ugly real fast if injuries do hold players out this week.
Sartorius vs Hog Squad - Projection - Sartorius 109.2 vs 106.1 Hog Squad
The Hog Squad is looking to turn around this week after the borderline unforgiveable performance last week, meanwhile Sartorius is looking to take control of the South division with a win here. However with both of Sartorius starting WR having injury designations as of time of writing, this could drastically shift in the favor of the Hogs if the boys aren’t healthy.
Side bar before the matchup of the week, the amount of times I have written about injury designations in the past week is absurd. Glass Cannon is about to break into CMC’s house and inject him with peptides to get his ass moving again.
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK - THE “ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFFS BOWL” - Weasel Wizards vs LANK
Well, if you haven’t figured it out already this matchup of the week is the two teams that are in danger of being eliminated from playoff contention; albeit for extremely different reasons. Pred has 15 days and counting remaining on his deadline to perform his last place punishment from last year or he and his 83% chance to make the playoffs will be banned from playoff contention this year. GET ON IT FUCKHEAD. Meanwhile the LANK squad is down to a 1% chance to make the playoffs and it is only week 7, with a loss this week being the final nail in the Coffin for the playoff chances. And as if things couldn’t get worse, his WR1 is now going to get less love now that Jets GM Aaron Rodgers brought Davante Adams in. It is pretty funny though that the only thing with more O’s than the Glass Cannon injury report is the LANK squad record.
Well that wraps up this week’s post, and if you have actually been a good person and read this post to this point I have a task for you. Go in the weasels GC and tag Pred in a message and tell him how many days are left on the timer to get the tat. Let’s start putting the pressure on, because if he isn’t careful so help me god I will hire Sachi to break into his house and give him a prison tat in his sleep. Alright love you boys, stay black.